un: jonas. cw: blood chatter.

[coherer]

ik this is going to sound like an episode of 60 Minutes that never got aired, but I have smelled worryingly like blood for the past week or so.

Please pre-emptively cool it on the wild guesses, though. God forbid any of this winds up vaguely sexual like Keith's thing (F, buddy). No, I haven't even been injured lately. No, it's not my time of the month. No, I'm not actually a murderer. I woke up one day, sniffed foul air, and have been increasingly ill since.

Does anyone have any idea what I can even do about this? bc I feel like I've tried literally everything but bathing in bleach.

Oh, actually, for ppl who don't want to interact with my TMI, what are your favourite movies? I work at the theatre in Mirth now and I'll get a 2% raise if I bring in more traffic, so I kinda have a vested interest in knowing what kinds of things you'd wanna see screened. Set can't pay for everything yk lol.

Thanks.

Comments

[redsoil]

I learned from the best. I even know "lol" and "xoxo" now.

[ that'd be you, young man ]

There is no purpose in spoiling you, Jonas. I am only taking care of your needs, so that you may focus on your youth. Honestly, I had thought you were issuing me a challenge, or perhaps attempting to insult me just now. Am I that stifling?

[coherer]

Legitimately so proud, like just picture me with my hands on my hips and nodding rn.

I appreciate the stuff you do for me, Set. I don't want you to think I'm mad or anything. It's a friend thing to say yk? Like if you poked fun at me a little I'd think that was funny.

Have you ever been teased by anybody before?

[redsoil]

By my siblings, yes. Not by humans.

You consider us friends?

[coherer]

(hestitantly:)

Uh yeah ig, what else would we be?

[redsoil]

I don't know. I've never had a friend.

[ gods are honestly extremely independent things. ]

I was unsure what you would think of me after our last conversation.

private.

[coherer]

Seriously?

Yes, our last conversation was messed up. tbh idk what to think, Set, but I'm not a complete idiot. There's a story there that I'm missing. Whether you tell ppl or not is up to you obv, I'd never keep questioning your choice. All I understand is my own.

I've been freaked out by you since we got here. Like even the concept of you makes me question stuff I didn't want to question. Gods in myth do crazy shit all the time, so maybe I thought I could handle it in person, but I clearly couldn't. But you took care of me and you promised me you'd never hurt me.

That means more than anything. My mom would thank you. I'm thanking you.

My other opinions can wait.

pwivate.....

[redsoil]

A human friend, I mean.

[ Reminiscing about the past is also not a divine trait, but sometimes he recalls the days when he and Isis would sit around together -- bickering and throwing dates into one another's mouths as they gossiped, as they spoke. They might have been best friends, he thinks, with great regret.

If text could be wryly amused, his is: ]

Wowwwwwww, I didn't know I was upending your whole view of the world. It's different, where I hail from. The gods and humanity are deeply entwined, we are a part of their daily lives -- I've come to read in the libraries that faith and myth came out of our relationships with humans and that one day, they didn't need us as much. We're storied figures, by the time you were born, it seems.

Nephthys said as much to me, once. That we, as gods, were not born to rule over humans. We disagreed for so long on it.

I just want to know you, Jonas. Don't get it in your head that you are representing the whole of humanity.

blushes..........

[coherer]

(a held breath is exhaled, and jonas shakes his head.

there is something vaguely amusing about it all.)

Don't say wow like that omg, I'm being serious lol

I was raised in a religious home, so idk if you have any idea how insane this has been for me. ofc it messed with my whole view of the world, Zagreus being here does too. Gods, in general, meeting me, maybe judging me and actually having opinions about me?? I can't describe that.

I'm lucky in that I'm more agnostic than I am super devout or whatever, but others might seriously have a lot of trouble with this. Whether or not Ms Nephthys was right or if things aren't so simple, I can't even say. I feel like some ppl still need that guidance and the feeling of being ruled over while others don't ig.

But if you want to know me, then I'm okay with that. I'm sorry if that's been hard or anything.

1/2

[redsoil]

Wow! 😮😮😮

Is that better? [ he is a BULLY and a CAD!!! ]

Actually, no. I don't know how 'insane' it has been. I could stand to be told, though. We do that all the time, in Kemet. Our festivals are basically grounds for our humans to come, visit with us, sit with us, touch us -- a reminder that we are real and present among them. I read that - such things changed. Gods are not among people anymore, so it is no longer a wonder that you are so rude and obnoxious about this.

[redsoil]

I am joking, Jonas.

It is not easy. The differences between your existence and mine are very real, and very challenging to work with - I won't lie to you about that, nor let it hinder my attempts at getting to know you.

[coherer]

And I'm serious. No one's ever said that to me before. Not about wanting to get to know me but about not giving up/ditching me if things get hard lol

Nothing here's been easy so far, so I figure the learning curve will be steep but worth it?? Except on your end bc I am going to be a huge pain in your ass lmfao

Man, just think: I get to do all that w/o a festival. Visit you, sit with you, and have you cling to my face for the 40th time. Hashtag blessed, I'm so honoured by your presence, etc.

(and we're back to our regularly scheduled BLASPHEMING.)

[redsoil]

You rascal, I really will find you and put you over my knee for speaking to me in such a way. 'Pain in my ass', INDEED.

And speaking of being a pain -- blood? Really? Did hanging around that Chthonic demigod rub off on you? He always smells vaguely of the stuff, I should have told you not to go consorting with other divinities! Especially those of Helles! They're unclean, with all their... body hair and oil wrestling and pawing at one another!

1/2

[coherer]

That is not the threat you think it is, like.......

(sounds like a good time??????????

eighteen, male, perpetually horny)

idk though, I really like Zagreus whether he's from Helles or cthulhu or whatever you just said. He's really chill and makes p good conversation. I didn't catch any oil wrestling but tbh I'm keeping my eyes peeled now.

2/2

[coherer]

(...)

Wait, what's wrong with body hair??

[redsoil]

[redsoil]

[ the first part confuses him too much, so he's skipping over it.

( some hedonistic god he is ) ]

IT'S UNSANITARY

[coherer]

Okay, so are you gonna wax all your peach fuzz? Or pull your eyelashes out?

Like I get maybe this is a cultural thing bc it sounds like a cultural thing, so I support you, but body hair actually protects your body from The Elements and stuff, yk?? Maybe you should stare at my leg hair until you get used to it. Like a form of immersion therapy hahhahahaha

[redsoil]

I don't want to stare at your legs!! I don't care if you have hair, just don't expect me to want to touch it! The foreign beast that attended me was so proud of his beard and hair, I don't understand the allure!

[coherer]

If you're sure........ the offer stands hahahahaha

Are you proud of your hair and makeup? It's like that kind of. I'm not trying to change your mind, but you said you didn't understand, so ig this is my attempt to show you the other side. I can't really grow more than stubble on my face though, but if I could it'd be considered """manly""" back home.

[redsoil]

You just want to be touched more. You can simply ask for contact!

[ He does reflect on what Jonas says; for a boisterous thing with a loud mouth and kneejerk reactions, he is also deeply curious. Learning is part of his nature. ]

I believe, I can understand - for you to put it that way, it makes sense. The foreigner than attended to me was also proud of his beard and body hair, though he was an uncouth guy who enjoyed pawing at me whenever he had the chance...

[coherer]

I'm not asking for it omg, contact must be freely given. Besides, I'm gross to you🤧🤧 brb crying

(he is not, in fact, crying. he is, however, blowing his nose loudly.

the knock-off vicks vaporub he smacked onto his chest is doing wonders for his congestion.)

wdym by "attended to me" and "pawing at me" anyway? Dude, was someone being a creep to you??

[redsoil]

Haa? What? Are you really crying over that? I have already seen you bare of clothing, Jonas, I know your legs are hairy. Are you upset because I don't like your legs??

[ AS FOR THE REST? ]

He was a foreigner who said he was in my service. He liked when I beat him up, so he'd do all sorts of weird things to earn it.

[ ]

[coherer]

No, they're fake tears. I'm being sarcastic. Furthermore, can we not bring my vulnerable naked body up in casual conversation??

Besides, talking about how creepy this dude is is way more important. Don't let just anyone enter your service or whatever, you gotta screen ppl.

(why jonas feels this is necessary is clear: set is a beautiful man, and people might horn in on him. IT CAN'T HAPPEN.)

[redsoil]

Are you that ashamed of your body? You are young and thin, but I will feed you well and you will grow up into what passes as a handsome human. Even with your hairy legs.

[ now he has to be teasing ]

And. Screen? People? Jonas, if someone is called into the service of a particular god, we do not turn them away! It's incomprehensible. I am not exactly a popular god these days. My temples and deeds and rights WERE stripped from me.

[coherer]

No, I'm not ashamed of my body, I just don't like to be randomly naked against my will. And you shouldn't be randomly naked against your will either.

And who cares if you're popular or not when you're almighty or whatever? I think Gods of all """beings""" can afford to be picky. Turn away creeps that make you uncomfortable. I'm serious.

(...)

Wait, you think I'm handsome?

(this is the most important part of all of this now)