text; un: 🍥🍜

[acknowledgement]

(≡ ｀ｗ´≡)/
hey everyone!
i'm Uzumaki Naruto
um in my world we give family name first
so you can just call me Naruto!

listen…
i have an important question that i'd like to hear your opinions on

some people doubt this place is really the afterlife
and if we’re actually dead

but let’s say there’s a chance we can all return to our own dimensions, alive
…would you want to?
or would you prefer to stay here instead, permanently?

it’s kinda personal, so i get it if you wanna use the
uh
anonymous
thingy
just don’t ask me how to switch it on
because idk (that means i don’t know)

oh also
if anyone needs help with anything
or wants to tackle some missions together
i'm your shinobi!

[Sorry, Sasuke and Sakura. Naruto forgot the “keep our profession/backgrounds a secret” rule. (And already broke the rule several times over.)]

Comments

[fessus]

I don't even know what I'm thinking so

Actually I take that back. The opposite would be me being 100% not confused at all. So does this secretly make total sense?

[ ... ]

He's pretty cool ig

[ Just so that Jonas won't be... too embarrassed... ]

[coherer]

fr dude?

Are you fr doing this rn?

(jonas forgives noctis. jonas forgives noctis because noctis has no idea how easy it'd be for them to turn this all around and drag him down with them.

ah, so this is the high road. it's beautiful.)

Naruto and I didn't kiss. It was all a huge misunderstanding.

It's a "you had to be there" thing. Which you weren't at any point.

[fessus]

Look I don't have to "do this" I can just say I fully believe nothing happened and it's your own business and let it go.

[ like mazel tov, okay, you can hide your weird clandestine new relationship all you want ]

But you're seriously asking me to believe he's smart enough to lie and I've talked to him more than once so that's a hard sell.

[acknowledgement]

[Naruto discovered how to read other public comments finally. Just in time.]

A HARD SELL?
WELL GUESS WHAT
IT WAS YOUR BODY KISSING HIM
SO WHO’S THE DUMBASS NOW

[Sorry Jonas.]

1/2

[coherer]

()

2/2

[coherer]

You can forget calling me Jonas-chan.

1/2

[fessus]

[ ...

]

2/2, privated because this CAN'T GO ON

[fessus]

Naruto

Are you seriously saying what it sounds like you're saying bc if this is a joke it's not even a little funny

[ MY PURE LIPS? ]

[acknowledgement]

HE WAS DYING

[fessus]

Wtf does that mean??

[acknowledgement]

HE PUT STUFF IN HIS MOUTH
AND THEN COLLAPSED
I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD
AND I DIDN’T HAVE ACCESS TO MY CHAKRA
SO I TRIED TO REVIVE HIM!!!!!!!

[fessus]

[ shiva I pray to your cold desiccated corpse please save me from this conversation ]

Stop stop

uncapslock

You're saying you ran off in my body, Jonas ate smth and passed out, and you gave him CPR? Am I missing anything here??

[coherer]

He literally said "it wasn't a kiss" like scroll up omg

I can't believe this is happening in this depressing a post. Like everyone else is pouring their hearts out and then there's this glaring error.

[fessus]

[ SEEN: 8:47 PM ]

[coherer]

()

Dude, I was practically born with a phone in my hand. The conversation stops way too conveniently. You not answering I get, but Naruto? C'mon, I KNOW you two are texting where I can't see.

Are you good or??

PRIVATE FOREVER

[fessus]

Me not answering you get so I'm getting a follow-up anyway?

Look w/e this couldn't have been worded worse for what apparently went down. Which seems like it barely involves me so I'm doing what I can to pretend I didn't read any of this.

And that no one else did either bc fsr it was public

AGREED.....

[coherer]

Wow, okay. So tl;dr "not good" then.

Which is exactly why I followed up.

I was going to tell you in a more delicate way. Eventually ig, idk when. It did involve you, so it's your business, it just sucks three ways. If some of this was avoidable? Whatever, that's my fault and I'm sorry about it.

[fessus]

Tbh I think I'm handling it pretty well but I also am pretty sure we don't need to drag this out.

It was a misunderstanding, Naruto shouldn't have brought it up, and you were both obv out of it. I don't need an apology bc you didn't do anything.

Can we let it go?

[ Is he angry? Less so than he was, definitely. Is he embarrassed? Absolutely. ]

text ↪ un: 012601

[craters]

He doesn't like to lie because he's an honest person.

That has nothing to do with intelligence. Keep your rude comments to yourself.

（ keep his name outta your mouth, punk. she will fight you. ）

[fessus]

Tell me you aren't seriously going for the stance that he's a genius when he's literally admitting to doing weird things with my body

How am I the one getting a lecture rn? How is this even important

[ The intense light-speed texting is setting in now as he loses himself in any and all attempts to do damage control. He's never going to financially recover from this. ]

[craters]

He didn't do anything weird, he said he was performing CPR. Keep up.

And you're getting a lecture because you decided to be a jerk. Try having all the information next time instead of being reactionary.

1/2

[fessus]

[ withers... ]

2/2

[fessus]

I'm trying to keep up, this isn't exactly being explained well or fast.

W/e, I'm sorry I said what I said about him not being smart, that part was a dick move. But so is blasting all this out in public when no one else brought it up and Jonas obv didn't know what was going on.

Can we agree on that?

[craters]

（ okay, that she can't actually argue that. 😩 damnit, naruto. ）

It was a little thoughtless of him, but he means well.

He isn't someone who says things on purpose to hurt other people out of nowhere.

All you have to do is explain to him why it wasn't appropriate and give him a chance to understand your point of view.

[acknowledgement]

[SAKURA-CHAN...DEFENDING HIM!

SHE'S SO COOL.]