text; un: 🍥🍜

[acknowledgement]

(≡ ｀ｗ´≡)/
hey everyone!
i'm Uzumaki Naruto
um in my world we give family name first
so you can just call me Naruto!

listen…
i have an important question that i'd like to hear your opinions on

some people doubt this place is really the afterlife
and if we’re actually dead

but let’s say there’s a chance we can all return to our own dimensions, alive
…would you want to?
or would you prefer to stay here instead, permanently?

it’s kinda personal, so i get it if you wanna use the
uh
anonymous
thingy
just don’t ask me how to switch it on
because idk (that means i don’t know)

oh also
if anyone needs help with anything
or wants to tackle some missions together
i'm your shinobi!

[Sorry, Sasuke and Sakura. Naruto forgot the “keep our profession/backgrounds a secret” rule. (And already broke the rule several times over.)]

Comments

un: 火 / 🔒

[chokuto]

[Let's limbo beneath all the more sensitive contents of this post and get straight to the part that annoys him most.]

How much have you told people? Twice I've been approached by name when I never gave it. What are you saying about me?

text ↪ un: 十五

[zangetsu]

oy, fishcake guy.

what do you mean by shinobi???

un: jonas.

[coherer]

(easiest question he's had to answer since he got here.)

Put me down for the "I really, really, really want to go home" option, man. It's not even personal to me, so feast your eyes on my misery, thread stalkers.

I'm just not cut out for this kind of stuff.

audio ↪ un: 012601 🔒

[craters]

（ screech ）

Naruto!!

Stop telling people we're shinobi!!

[acknowledgement]

jeez bastard
i haven't said anything bad about you!

[But wait...what if people are harassing Sasuke?]

who

[Bruh he'd be rolling up his sleeves right now if he had two hands.]

@harukaze

[janescayre]

[While this guy's coming off a few noodles short of a bowl, he's the first one to openly touch on her current theory. That alone is enough for Fukawa to drag her sorry carcass in here.]

I'm glad someone else is suspicious of this place. It's the crappiest afterlife ever conceived. Why are we still using the bathroom and able to die?

[HIERARCHY EXPLAIN]

And please, who wouldn't rather go back? Even hell on earth is better than hell in practice.

[acknowledgement]

oh
uh
hehehehehe

just a little joke

[He can already hear Sakura's message screaming at him.]

[chokuto]

Of course I know that.

[Naruto is too forgiving where it concerns him, even (and perhaps especially) when he doesn't deserve it.]

That's not important. Didn't we agree not to share the details of our backgrounds and abilities?

1/2

[acknowledgement]

IT WASN'T A KISS

[acknowledgement]

[........................He just...needed to make that clear.]

what's going on Jonas-chan?
if you need help while we're here tell me
i know things aren't ideal but
i hope you aren't in trouble or something

[acknowledgement]

[Naruto actually fumbles the phone and drops it in his haste to apologize.]

S-sorry Sakura-chan! I completely forgot! Ahaha...don't worry, I'll fix it!

[Press (X) to doubt.]

[acknowledgement]

[Unfamiliar with the username, Naruto responds without realizing her identity (well, one of her identities).]

hehehehe
crappiest
using the bathroom
i'd clap if i had two hands

but that’s how i feel too
my friend from home is a doctor
and she hasn’t found evidence that we’re dead
medically i mean

not to mention this afterlife isn’t anything like what’s been described to us
at least not from our dimension

see i thought the same thing at first
about everyone wanting to go back home
except my doctor friend helped me realize
some people might have it even worse there
i need to hear from them, if they’re willing to talk to me

cuz i haven’t mentioned this to anyone yet but
what if the way home reverses things for EVERYONE?
and we can’t just pick and choose who gets to stay
and who gets to go home?
idk it’s just something i've been thinking about…

[acknowledgement]

who, Sasuke

[chokuto]

[BRO, CHILL]

I told you it's not important. They didn't target me, all they knew was my name.

[coherer]

The instant regret I feel not making this anonymous is overwhelming.

[acknowledgement]

[He can't bro, he doesn't know "chill" where you're concerned. Evidence: 700 chapters of a BL manga titled Naruto.]

oi
then why are you bitching at me!

[acknowledgement]

IT WASN'T A KISS

SO THERE'S NOTHING TO REGRET

[chokuto]

[Bro...]

Because based on what you've just posted in a public place, you've obviously said more. So what else?

not here

[chokuto]

[what the hell is this

HE'S NOT RESPONDING BUT HE SEES IT]

Text

[zauneyete]

I can't imagine anyone would actually want to stay here. Disregarding even the minute detail of possibly showing up here against our will...

What advantage does this place offer over anywhere else?

[coherer]

You mean it's like this whole thing was a huge misunderstanding that could've been ignored forever and never brought up again???

WOW, I'M REELING.

[acknowledgement]

[The churn of righteous anger at the idea that anyone might have harassed Sasuke has yet to settle. It begins to coalesce now into something darker. Something spiteful.

sᴀsᴜᴋᴇ. sᴀsᴜᴋᴇ.]

why don't you go ask Sakura-chan about it
you two like talking behind my back anyway

[chokuto]

[Anger begets anger.]

The one I'm asking is you.

ᴜɴ: ᴛᴏʏᴍᴀᴋᴇʀ.

[lackluster]

[ Time to ignore everything in this post except for one Very Important Detail. ]

You're a shinobi?

Don't they usually like to keep that a secret? You know, being a covert agent and all.

[ Yeah, he's pointedly pointing this thing that's supposed to be a secret so it stops being a secret, ]

not here

[craters]

（ she's gonna kill him. ）