text; un: keith

[spaceassassin]

hey

[ so far so good ]

i got a friend who's got a problem
a big problem that's… small, i guess

anyone know a cure for shrinkage

Comments

[spaceassassin]

[ who knew the netherworld consisted of dirty-minded people
keith didn't

but now he is wiser ]

i said exactly what i needed
anyone who misread that is the problem, not me

don’t think so
i’m still the same size

[coherer]

Now you know you need to look through a new lens. A "people are perpetually horny" lens. The PAPH lens.

That's good news, though. How small is he getting?

Like where are you even gonna put him when he gets super wee?

[spaceassassin]

paph lens
did you make that up or is that a real thing

[ – it’s stupid that this is a question he is seriously asking ]

he’s not gonna get wee [ no that’s dumb. BACKSPACE ] super small
i’m gonna fix him

[coherer]

Both. I made it up, so now it's a real thing.🤷🏻‍♂️

Maybe it's like true love's kiss or smth, like you kiss a frog to break a curse and it turns back into a prince.

(god, he's a genius)

[spaceassassin]

[ not sure that’s how that works, jonas


also
what ]

how is that even remotely the same

[coherer]

(IT IS NOW, KEITH)

You kiss the guy and he un-shrinks. idfk I'm not a doctor, I just have ideas that may or may not help at all.

So you would rather zero choices or a few shitty choices?

[spaceassassin]

[ “i’m not a doctor”, he says
I’M NOT A DOCTOR
jonas

shame because keith’s 98% sure he’s having an aneurysm ]

zero choices
better than kissing my best friend on the off chance that we’re in a fairytale bedtime story

[coherer]

I'd kiss the crap out of my bff if I thought it'd help and so would literally any character in Honey I Shrunk The Kids so like

idk what the problem is here.

(HOW SELFISH!!!!!!!!)

[spaceassassin]

[ keith is not from the vhs era
not even the dvd era
by his time, every copy of honey i shrunk the kids is lost under piles of garbage

so no. he does not get the reference ]

yeah well
you’re you

[ it’s an insult
probably ]

it wouldn’t work with me anyway
isn’t it supposed to be a princess

[ where's allura when you need her ]

[coherer]

(uh-uh, no way. they're going back to that first comment.)

What's that supposed to mean?

[spaceassassin]

[ spoiler: keith doesn’t know what it means
shallow insults are indeed shallow ]

i dunno
you’re the guy who believes in fairytales
i’m not

[coherer]

Okay, how about these suggestions if you don't like the fairytale kinds (bc starting to shrink is a completely normal human condition with an undoubtedly bland and totally normal solution):

1. Go ask Sakura
2. Read a book

[spaceassassin]

[ ok
he’s offended jonas
that was his bad. his very shitty bad

especially now that jonas isn’t the only one talking about frogs and the like ]

look
i didn’t mean anything by it. just that we’re different
so sorry

[ OR WHATEVER ]

besides you might be right about this frog thing so
walk me through it again

[coherer]

We're different in that neither of us is one to believe in fairytales? ik it's crazy, but so is the actual thing that's happening to your friend. Apology accepted, though, it's not a huge deal. You're probably super stressed rn, so dw about it.

I have no idea if it'd work or not, it was just the first idea that cropped up yk? True love doesn't have to be like love-love, it can be the family or friend kind surely. But you literally just kiss the frog and it turns into a normal dude again.

So maybe it's some bullcrap LIKE kissing a frog but not actually bc it'd be kissing a shrinking dude.

[spaceassassin]

[ jonas is a good dude…
keith feels – shamed, actually
but the shitty apology will continue to stand on its own ]

he’s my brother
i’ll do anything to protect him

[ so uh ]

i’ll try it
doubt it’ll work but whatever
then we know and can move onto figuring out the next move