[ANONYMOUS] | text | A few days after the festival (implied nsfw)

[janescayre]

[This message may be 100% anonymous, but perhaps you recognize the texting style? If you were bold enough to message her on Soulidarity perhaps you've figured it out at once. Otherwise, ~*~IT'S A MYSTERY~*~ Dare ye solve it?

At least one guy will recognize the culprit. Sucks to suck, Sylvain.]

HEEELLOOOOOO MY SWEET CHERRY PIE!! 🍒🥧🍒 Where are you right now? Are you dreaming about me?



Because I just can't get you out of my head. Every time I close my eyes, I feel your body on mine. When I look to the fields I can't help the blush on my face! I've never gone that far with anyone before! Especially in public. And you're just so BIG 🤩!!! I couldn't believe it, I didn't think I could take you on. We made such a mess too, didn't we? 😜 Did you get it all out of your clothes? I had to scrub extra hard myself

When can I see you again? I'll be prepared this time. I promise. You're just the sweetest slice of heaven I've ever had, and I can't wait for another taste 😈

call me baby

XOXOXO 💋💋💋🍆🍑




[And like five seconds after this gets posted:]

OH NO IT GOT SENT TO EVERYONE 😱 HOW EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOBODY LOOK!!!!!! 😭😭

Comments

[acknowledgement]

[Oh shit, a pop quiz.]

uhhh it's a tube
that a guy rolls on his

[Saying the word "dick" to a girl just seems too crass...]

well it's just something
a guy uses
so that he doesn't become a parent
and neither do you

if you didn't use one
you're probably a parent now
sorry!!!

[Bottom line: More sex education required.]

[janescayre]

😦 on his what? His finger?

I couldn't be a parent, we're not even married! You must have have heard it wrong

[acknowledgement]

stop playing stupid!
i might've believed the act before
if you hadn't posted all that gross crap about your boyfriend!!

or should i say
the father of your children!!
cuz you're definitely pregnant now
that's just how it is when you don't use condoms
if you're not married you should definitely work on that next

[janescayre]

Being in love doesn't mean I know everything!!! It was my first time, you know

WAIT REALLY

do you think so???

I tried to ask for help figuring it all out but that other girl was SO MEAN!!!! 😭😭 she kept telling me to go to hell

[Hale. Same difference.]

[acknowledgement]

[Naruto squints suspiciously at the message. After their first interaction, he definitely thinks there’s a chance she’s playing him…but, at the same time, if it was her first time…maybe he should cut her some slack.]

what happened to the Byakugan guy you were in love with
don't you think you moved on really quickly…

anyway
for the sake of your future brats
you should get this other guy to marry you!!
i bet he tried the pull out method didn’t he
don’t they know that never works

[Says Naruto, who only just learned that wasn’t a valid birth control technique like, a week ago.]

what girl was being mean though?
were you being aggressive with her…
you ARE pretty nasty tbh (that means to be honest)

[janescayre]

[Ugh what's with this sudden concern? Someone take this turd's phone away

Also she has to take a pause here. He has a point. She'd only scratched Sylvain a little, nothing serious at all. Right? If she'd killed him, then that would be cheating. No, no no no no. Her heart, soul, and most of all, her cherry, are all Byakuya-sama's until the end of eternity. That's a promise.

So, better to move things along.]

oh my goodness you sound so knowledgeable!!! I can't believe it. Don't you have to get it in before you try to pull out? Who let you do that??? 🤔👀

I don't know, that one up there. Go look for yourself.

Besides I'm not aggressive with girls. They don't have what i want 😜😈🍆💦

[acknowledgement]

who let me do that?
well
that's a secret

[Your virginity is the worst kept secret then, Naruto.

The bewildering instruction to go look for himself is met with a blank, owlish stare. He still doesn't know how to read other public responses. One day he'll figure it out. One day...]

wait so you're only aggressive with guys??
isn't that the opposite of what you should be
girls are your competition right

and why is that grape so long

[BECAUSE IT'S AN EGGPLANT YOU FOOL.]

[janescayre]

do they go by the name of No Body?

[does he have the brain power to parse that? Syo is rapidly losing faith in this one.]

some guys like it a little rough 💋💋💋 you'll figure it out when you're older

Maybe

Use your imagination!!! How about if we try this way?

| )) C=====8

[acknowledgement]

idk maybe you should ask their sister
Psycho Glasses Pervert!!

how old are you anyway
you don’t look older than me!

oh are we play fighting now
hold on i’ve got a good one

(≡ ｀Д´≡)◎
Rasengan!!

(≡ ｀Д´≡)∵∴∷∶∵◎
go!!!!

[The dick to anal diagram sure did confuse him.]

me scrambling to source good emoji

[janescayre]

[So fresh, so innocent...he's kinda funny though.]

Sheesh don't you know rule number one??? NEVER ASK A LADY HER AGE DUMBASS

guess it's a good thing we're duking it out

Σ(ﾟ∀´(┗┐ヽ(･∀･ )ﾉ

Eat dirt Fish Cakes